


vOLTRoN aSSEMBLe

by ShippedTrash



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Aromantic Asexual Pidge | Katie Holt, Bilingual Lance (Voltron), Bilingual Pidge | Katie Holt, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Bisexual Matt Holt, Cuban Lance (Voltron), F/F, F/M, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Gay Keith (Voltron), Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Hawaiian Hunk (Voltron), Hunk & Lance (Voltron) Friendship, Hunk (Voltron) is a Good Friend, Hunk (Voltron) is so Pure, I SPELL WORDS WITH A FUCKING U IN THEM GET OVER YOURSELF, Japanese Shiro (Voltron), Keith and Shiro are Adoptive Siblings, Korean Keith (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lotor (Voltron) Being an Asshole, M/M, Male Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, OKAY i thim im done, Orphan Keith (Voltron), Pansexual Hunk (Voltron), Pansexual Shay, Pidge has insomnia, Pidge | Katie Holt Swears Like a Sailor, Pidge | Katie Holt is Savage, Protective Shiro (Voltron), Space Dad Shiro (Voltron), Space Mom Allura (Voltron), Space Uncle Coran (Voltron), Textfic, Theyre not, Underage Drinking, alfor owned a big cafe company called The Alteans, allura is instagram famous, and met hunk and lance, and nonexistent social abilities, and that's now corans business and allura helps him, and was homeschooled bc of it, based off some of my own experiences and stuff, blah blah blah, during her homeschooling matt became friends with shiro so pidge met keith, ezor and narti are in year 12 but lotor acxa and zethri are in year 13, fuck mums, groupchat, he doesnt wear a uniform either, hunk has two fab moms, i know someone who skipped a year, im basing matt and pidges italianess off this girl in my creative set, im british so they all live in britain kay, keith and lance are vvvvvvv close and act like theyre dating BUT, keith has a knife collection and took self defense classes with pidge when they were younger, keith is in college, kinda the same thing but keith doesnt go to school with lance hunk and pidge, lance and hunk are in sixth form, lance and keith besties forever, lotor is a huge dick BUT his generals are nice, matt and shiro graduated and matt did like three courses or smth cant remember, near lance pidge and hunks school, pidge doesn't really have a gender idk man, pidge is year 9 and wasnt allowed to skip a year bc of her homeschooling, pidge used to be bullied, she pronounced this long latin word correctly and said to me its because shes italian???, she speaks bullshit, shes a legend ngl, shes in my form, shiro and matt both work at the local one in Essex, shiro has prosthetic arm as he does bc of idk a car crash maybe, so is lance, the holts are lowkey italian and, then went to secondary school, they drink at some point, vroom vroom motherfucvker, well lotor and acxa go to college but SAME THING
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-17
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-03 19:24:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14002962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShippedTrash/pseuds/ShippedTrash
Summary: The one fanfic where the paladins and co live in the UK instead of America and still manage to have a good time sipping tea and munching crumpets.o0oThe Paladins have been reinvented to live lives as ordinary humans, attending school and working to earn a living. Follow their adventures and delve into their lives through text message and multiple group chats. Read on as they brave through unbelievably temperamental weather, avoid the most obnoxious and nosy teachers and overcome challenge after challenge. Enjoy.





	1. Run, run, as fast as you can. You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!

**Author's Note:**

> I did truly consider setting this in America. I have some American acquaintances, did some research however, I was still really hecking confused therefore this is set in the UK. Precisely England. Here are some things to understand beforehand. Some of the ages have been brought down for convenience don’t kill me. None of their schools are real because that would require too much research into what school does what courses and blah blah blah and I’m only doing GCSE’s I’m not ready for learning about the outside world (it’s terrifying ^.^)  
> The Garrison is this space place thing like NASA but not NASA it’s better than NASA now. It also built and funds a school and college which the kids attend. Coran owns a large chain company of cafes called The Alteans.  
> This is largely based off my own experiences and how my school works, as well as storylines and messages based off my own messages with people.

**L < P**

**00:20**  
Lance: You know  
Lance: The fucking  
Lance: Gingerbread Mab  
Lance: That story  
Lance: *man

Pidge: Naturally

Lance: God’s work right there God bless that little gingerbead man

Pidge: pretty sure he dies

Lance: …  
Lance: GOD BLESS THAT LITTLE GINGERBREAD MAN 

Pidge: kay

 

 **vOLTRoN aSSEMBLe**

**00:30**  
Lance: RUN RUN AS FACT YOU CAN YOU CAN’T CATCH ME I’M THE GINGERBREAD MAN 

Pance: LANCE HES DEAD GET OVER ITFNJDGJFDHSL

Hunk: Not this again

Shiro: what 

Lance: nonono the gingerbread man will live forever

Pidge: lance  
Pidge: he gets EATEN by a FOX

Lance: FOCES DONT EAT GINGERBEAD

Pidge: ITS A FUCKIN KDIS DSOTY LANCE

Lance: KIDS OF TODAY AR EINNORENT THEY CANNIT BE SUBJEYTCED TO CRUELTY KIKE THIS

Pidge: KIDS OF TODYAU ARE FUICIN G BRUTAL LANCE THEY WIL TER YOU APRT

Lance: I HAV SIBGLINGS THET AR EANGELS PIDGE I LOVE THEMW OSNA MUCH AND WILL PEROTECT THEM FOREVRET

Pidge: LANCE YOU TOLD ME THREUYRE DEVIKLS HWAT THE FUVK DSTOP SPINNNEING THE TURHT YIU STUPID SEEWEED 

Shiro: What are they saying

Lance: LIEA ALL IF IT LEIS YOU GREMILEN HWY THE FUKC WIUDLD I SYA THEAT 

Keith: Truly fascinating language

Pidge: I DONT LNOEW BECAUSE THEYRE THW WORST AND SOD ARE YOU

Hunk: how they understand each other i do not know

Lance: ECUSE ME BTUR IA AM THE ABSOLUTR BEST ARE UOU KIFDING ME

Shiro: you all have school tomorrow. Please stop.

Keith: afternoon classes sucks to be you three ahahahahahaha

Pidge: BITCH IF YOU R THE EBEST THAN IM AN S IDIOSA

Allura: Could you both kindly shut the fuck up and speak in a coherent understandable manner so we can end this stupid fucking dispute between and go, the fuck, to sleep. 

Pidge: soz allura  
Pidge: it’s friday anyway nothing important ever happens friday i have ict drama pshe religous education and french  
Pidge: friday week a that is now friday week B is a whole different story

Lance: i have TWO free periods tomorrow :) 

Hunk: so do I s’all good

Shiro: Pidge, I never asked, what GCSE’s are you taking?

Pidge: the gcse’s i WOULD be DOING RIGHT NOW if i’d been allowed to SKIP A YEAR? Those gcse’s?

Shiro: Yes Pidge those GCSE’S.

Pidge: history psychology electronics italian and french  
P: THAT IS IF THEY DONT CUT DOWN THE NUMBER WERE ALLOWED TO DO BC BOI IF THEY DO I WILL NOT HESITATE TO BREAK THE SYSTEM FROM THE INSIDE SMH

Lance: *finger guns*

Pidge:stfu 

Lance: *sad face*  
Lance: OH YEAH HAHAHAHA they might take away one of your gcse options so you only get four choices 

Shiro: Why?

Lance: because the government made them 50x harder so schools were like, lets give them less subjects to do so they can focus more and learn more 

Pidge: JDFBDJHFBDKFHBKA I COULD BE MOVED UO A YEAR AND TAKE THE GCSES I WANT AND STILL BEAT UR FUCKING UNGLY ASS AT ALL OF THEM BUT NOOOOOOOO IM NOT ALLOWED DBGFSHJFBSDHJF

Lance: MY ASS IS TOO GOOD FOR U PIDGE YOU FUNKY GREMLIN

Shiro: im going to bed 

Pidge: <3 nighty space dad 

Lance: <3 sleep tight 

Hunk: night shiro

Keith: good riddance 

Allura: bye  
Allura: okay so none of you are going to bed 

Pidge: are you going to bed

Allura: evening class suck it keith

Keith: fuck

Allura: anyway you still need sleep

Pidge: I’ve had five espresso shots, 3 cups of tea and two energy drinks in the paste 4 hours I couldnt sleep if i tried

Keith: pidge your going to die

Pidge: not before my chem test next week im going to fuckin ACE IT and shove it my stupid teachers UGLY AS FUCK FACE that i CAN na WILL score 100% on ALL of her shitty exams

Lance: DR HIETT THAT LITTLE SOB

Allura: Pidge go to sleep

Pidge: ew no

Hunk: why

Pidge: one of u (LANCE) got a virus so ive been remotely updating and remodelling all your computers since i got home from school  
Pidge: tbh im surprised none of u complained that they weren’t working 

Lance: wait what

Pidge: nothing

Allura: pIdgE

Pidge: nOthIng

Hunk: I can’t deal with this nonsense I’m going

Keith: me too

Pidge: keith :(

Keith: im researching cryptids for our crytpid hunt 

Pidge: god bless have a good night

Allura: right well night hunk im retiring as well

Lance: PIDGE

Pidge: fuck off

Lance: :(

Pidge: <3 nighty

Lance: :)

Pidge: and then there was one

**vOLTRoN aSSEMBLe**

**10:15**  
Pidge: im bored

Shiro: pidge why are you on your phone

Pidge: because lance and hunk dont have lessons p1 and 2 so theyre off eating maccy d’s and ict was absolute bull  
Pidge: yeah and its break so  
Pidge: i have drama and pshe next h e l p m e

Lance: pidge where ar e y ou we ha ve bag e l s and pan cakes 

Pidge: shay?????????

Hunk: we have shay and real pancakes

Pidge: im in my form room 

Lance: which is WHERE

Pidge: languAGES BLOCK

Lance: SHIT 

Pidge: ILL MEET U HALFWAY 

Lance: FINE

Pidge: A TUALLY USE THE LIFT

Lance: PI D GE

Pidge: LA N CE

Lance: FINEEEEEEE

Shiro: what

Pidge: my form room is top floor of the languages block which is foor floors high lmao its hell  
Pidge: have to walk 5 flights of stairs EVERY day

Shiro: sounds like good exercise

Pidge: stfu shiro :(  
Lance: ,jsefbgshfbvsdkfbsdk.f.skd PIDGE

Pidge: FUCKIN ICONIC  
Pidge: theres no one but me in my form room bc someone asked who i was texting and i was like lance  
Pidge: so they went oh, and asked if he was coming up and i was like yeah ofcc???  
Pidge: so they spread the word and VERYONE fukcing scattered and so im sitting alone in the dark bc none of us ever turn the lights on ever an no one was here first period  
Pidge: lance KICKS open the door and out of reflex i hide under the table

Shiro: wait what what reflex makes you hide under a table

Pidge: for another day shiro  
Pidge: SO LANCE RIGHT WALKS IN AS IS CONFUSED AF AND SEARCHES OR THE LIGHT SWITCH  
Pidge: ME, BEING ME, CRAWLS ALONG UNDER THE TABLE AND GRABS HIS LEGS AND HE SCREECHES

Lance: SHUT UPPPPP

Pidge: HE KNOCKED OVER THE TABLE SHIRO

Hunk: It was pretty funny

Pidge: they bought me three bagels and pancakes awwww  
Pidge: i have like ten minutes to eat it though

Lance: fukcin,,,, gremlin,,,,,

Shiro: pidge apologise for scaring lance after he bought you food

Pidge: why?????

Lance: i bought you food??????

Pidge: NO ONE ASKED YOU TO

Hunk: guys shay wants to know what ur doing  
Hunk: ur both silent and furiously texting

Pidge: OOP BYE SHIRO

Lance: LATERRRRRR

Shiro: smh


	2. Suck A Truck Mathew Holt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt crashes his car and Pidge apparently tracks all of her friends constantly. Keith texts while driving and Lance just wants someone to play Mario Kart with him.

**SCHooL SQauD**

**15:45**  
Pidge: can we please petition to get rid of haggar that woman is gonna be the reason i fail 

Lance: signed

Hunk: what does she teach you

Pidge: physics

Lance: i have her for chem

Hunk: ^^ 

Pidge: and drama one week  
Pidge: shes such a dramatic bitch which can be good but on top of that shes so selective and rude and unnecessary 

Lance: had her as a bio cover and she made this kid cry by forcing them to dissect a chicken wing

Hunk: we were acting out macbeth in english and had her for cover and she told two guys they couldn’t play males because their voices weren’t masculine enough  
Hunk: the whole class thought that was really unfair though so we all filed complaints and she had to apologise and reworded what she’d said

Pidge: witch  
Pidge: she’s a bloody witch

Lance: thats an insult to witches 

Pidge: eww matt just got here

Lance: why eww

Pidge: just bc you love my brother doesnt mean i do

Hunk: wait what

Lance: pidge that boy is a genius 

Pidge: go flirt with keith

Lance: why would i flirt with keith 

Hunk: Lance I thought you hated Matt

Pidge: yeah when he had a crush on allura  
Pidge: hunk that was a year ago lancelot has got an ickle wickle crush on keithy boi

Lance: so!!!!!  
Lance: my liking for keith has NOTHING to do with this

Pidge: lance just kiss him

Lance: IC ANT JUST K I S S HIM  
Lance: HE WOULD MU R DE R ME  
Lance: KN IFE COLL E CTIO NP IDGE  
Lance: KNIFE

Hunk: he won’t kill you if he likes you too

Pidge: lance the boy wouldnt dream of doing anything to harm the beautiful landscape that is your face

Lance: what

Pidge: his words not mine  
Pidge: i wouldnt touch that ugly ass thing for any less than all the technology, money and solid proof of alien existence to shove in all non-believers faces

Lance: wow

Pidge: <3

Lance: <3

Hunk: aww

Lance: anyway why eww matt

Pidge: bc i hate his car he can barely drive he looks like me hes stupid  
Pidge: i have a REPUTATION to MAINTAIN lance

Lance: …..  
Lance: what reputation

Pidge: JFGSDKHGBSD,J

Hunk: Matts not that bad at driving  
Hunk: he can get you places fast  
Hunk: and hes never crashed

Lance: his car is awesome  
Lance: its got my handprint on it

Hunk: why

Lance: i helped paint it

Hunk: that explains a lot

Lance: he wanted keith to do cool designs but keith nominated me  
Lance: i was gonna paint an ocean on the side 

Hunk: why didnt you

Lance: matt fell over and ruined it  
Lance: so i ruined his car

Hunk: why  
Hunk: pidge where are you  
Hunk: pidge?

Lance: did the gremlin die

Pidge: stfu lance  
Pidge: ezor approached me  
Pidge: she apologised for what lotor did to keith??? And then asked if matt was my brother and i said no  
Pidge: and she laughed and said his car was cool as he stuck his head out so she wavd  
Pidge: and i laughed and said i should be goin and pointed at matt  
Pidge: she said goodbye and ran off and high fived matt who looked shook

Hunk: are you outside by the tree circle

Pidge: they actually uprooted the tree  
Pidge: but yeah

Hunk: can you and matt drop me off at shays

Pidge: aweeee you going on a date

Hunk: erm  
Hunk: yeah

Pidge: matt said it’s fine

Lance: have fun hunky  
Lance: stay safe ~

Pidge: SCREECH  
Pidge: NOT IN FRONT OF THE CHILD LANCE GOD  
Pidge: NO INNAPROPRIATENESS 

Lance: SCREECH  
Lance: IT WAS A REFLEX IM SORRY HUINK IGNORE MEEEEE

Hunk: I’m the same age as you Lance 

Pidge: hunnnnk hurry up i have work to do at home

Hunk: I’m coming

Lance: i sure hope you aren’t 

Pidge: LANCE

Lance: AAAHRGHHGBBNDJSFBJSD,JN SORRY

Pidge: JDSHBFDKBFELIHRFBGREDK

Hunk: you two are equal amounts of mess

Lance: love you two hunk

 

Lance < Keith  
**16:03**  
Lance: im bored

Keith: so

Lance: entertain me

Keith: entertain yourself

Lance: love me 

Keith: love yourself

Lance: :(

Keith: :)

Lance: Keittthh

Keith: what

Lance: :((((((((((

Keith: omg lance im in class

Lance: you dont need to learn your super smart

Keith: lance

Lance: keith

Keith: omg you’re insufferable

Lance: <3 

Keith: im not pidge

Lance: <3 

Keith: no

Lance: <3

Keith: nooooo

Lance: :3 <3

Keith: <3  
Keith: happy?

Lance: very  
Lance: i wanna play mario kart

Keith: play mario kart with pidge

Lance: pidge is busy

Keith: doing what

Lance: shopping with matt

Keith: ill play mario kart if you stop bothering me

Lance: deal

 

**vOLTRoN aSSEMBLe**

**16:10**

Allura: just woke up  
Allura: coran wanted to take a break in the cafe  
Allura: he poured a bucket of water on me

Lance: legend

Allura: so how was school

Lance: dead  
L: keith refused to play mario kart with me

Keith: no i didn’t I told you to wait until my last class was over 

Lance: exactly

Allura: keith play mario kart with your boyfriend

Keith: hes not my boyfriend

Lance: not yet

Keith: not ever if you carry on

Lance: :( 

Allura: i can never understand the relationship you two have

Keith: for future record, its nonexistent

Lance: rOOd

Allura: duly noted

Keith: good  
Keith: classes are over im going home to sleep

Allura: you sleep?

Keith: yeah no im going home to lay in bed and stare at the ceiling wistfully while listening to my carefully selected sorrowful spotify playlist to create the perfect nostalgic depressing mood that makes me feel on the verge of tears but unable to actually cry while i also contemplate the meaning of life and end up crying as i attempt to unravel the truths of death and afterlife

Allura: what

Keith: what

Lance: hahahaha lame no no no ur coming over to mine to play mario kart mulletman

Keith: cool

Pidge: can someone pick me up please  
P: ugh me AND matt

Lance: why

Pidge: well

Pidge added Matt to vOLTRoN aSSEMBLe

Matt: o shit waddup

Allura: Hello Mathew.

Matt: someone pick me and pidge up  
Matt: like  
Matt: ASAP 

Lance: why

Keith: lmao no die

Allura: Keith no?

Keith: Keith YES

Matt: does ANYONE have a CAR or other VEHICLE that can transport THREE PEOPLE

Lance: WHY FUCKING W H Y 

M: G OD LANCE DON T YE L L

P: we were in the big tesco in town with the massive carpark andthere was this old lady and me and matt were arguing and i saw her watching us so i just tried to get out of the trolley (we were shopping and i was in the trolley and matt wanted me to read the shopping list and navigate like eww no) and he screamed and we both knocked the trolley over and the old lady was watching us and grabbed a security guard so i grabbed matts hand and he sprinted away with me and we didn't want to search for the car in the massive parking lot because we had no clue where we left it and this happened in like ten minutes total

Lance: what

Keith: the fuck pidge

Allura: OMG are you okay? 

Matt: you know I’m fine ;)

Allura: suck a truck Mathew Holt I was asking if my child was okay

Pidge: im peachy space mum

Matt: where is shiro when you need him

Pidge: where Is shiro

Keith: dead

Allura: KEITH

Keith: SHIT SORRY DEFAULT RESPONSE FUUUUUUU  
Keith: HES AT HOME HE ASKED ME WHAT I WANTED HIM TO COOK LIKE THREE MINUTES AGO  
Keith: i told him to order chinese and he called me just to be silent and hang up on me :(

Pidge: so

Matt: now thats sorted

Pidge: can someone please

Matt: pick us

Pidge: the FUCK

Matt: up

Allura: sure but you owe me two packs of crispy M&Ms 

Matt: lmao anyone but allura pls and thnk

Allura: die

Lance: i can

Pidge: keith you can drive right?  
P: scratch that you’re driving right now ill send you our location pick us up in ten xx

Lance: die

Keith: sure i guess  
K: lance pidge and matt wanna play mario kart too 

Lance: theyre not allowed in my house

Keith: shame  
Keith: petition to ignore lance

Pidge: signed 

Matt: signed

Pidge: can we stay round yours tonight keith

Keith: why

Pidge: because then you dont have to drop us home and i do NOT want to stay at lances on a friday night

Keith: sure i guess???? I have to ask shiro though

Pidge: you do that my dude

 

Keith < Shiro

16:32  
Keith: hey shiro

Shiro: whats up buddy  
Shiro: decided what you want for dinner yet

Keith: about that  
Keith: pidge and matt want to stay over  
Keith: they had car troubles and don’t want to stay with lance 

Shiro: I mean  
Shiro: yes if they pay for food  
Shiro: I don’t want to cook for all of you

Keith: trust me shiro no one wants you to cook for them

Shiro: bugger off

Keith: fuck off

Shiro: language

Keith: scuse moi francais 

Shiro: devil child

Keih: <3

Shiro: ew

 

**vOLTRoN aSSEMBLe**

**16:38**  
Lance: but he might have stopped surely

Pidge: he didn’t stop lance im telling you

Matt: why would he need to  
Matt: authorities? Yeet the fuck away 

Allura: surely he’s more responsible than that

Keith: pidge matt hope you got money

Pidge: i can get money how much dya need

Keith: fifty quid

Pidge: fuckin done  
Pidge: aso yeah we got cash 

Matt: how much is nunya business

Keith: your buying dinner

Matt: ahahahahaha we’re poor????

Keith: uh huh

Matt: fuck

**16:45**

Pidge: quid sounds like squid

Keith: what

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We had to dissect a chicken in Year 8 and I would've thrown up if I was forced to ahahahahaha everyone smelt of chicken for the rest of the day and it was awful ngl  
> Haggar is literally all my bad teachers rolled into one :)
> 
> Ignore that half the stuff supposed to be in bold wasn't HTML has been fucking me over so badly smh


	3. －－＝Ξ/╲/( ͡° ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ͡°)/\╱\

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Emoticon War starts... ᕦ(▀̿ ̿ -▀̿ ̿ )つ︻̷┻̿═━一-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so quickly Pidge and Keith are both ace (asexual) and everyone is lowkey < highkey OOC in this but forgive me??

**SCHooL SQauD**

**17:54**

Pidge: so today in PSHE guess what happened

Hunk: wasnt a council member supposed to come in

Pidge: she was fifty minutes late

Hunk: lessons are only an hour long

Pidge: exactly

Hunk: well shite

Lance: what did you do

Pidge: our actual PSHE teacher had no clue wtf they were talking about so we just talked all lesson

Hunk: PSHE is kinda a joke

Pidge: im so glad it’s exam season  
Pidge: no PSHE

Lance still dont know why they do that

Pidge: because PSHE interrupts two lessons a week right  
Pidge: well it disrupts the normal timetable  
Pidge: and it never hits the same lesson twice in a row  
Pidge: its random so because of exams they just pause it

Lance: wait is that true

Pidge: yep

Hunk: wow

Pidge: choices options deadline is today  
Pidge: and some people still don’t know what they’re taking  
Lance: did they cut down the GCSE’s 

Pidge: hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha  
Pidge: YES  
Pidge: got an email last night saying they’re cutting one GCSE and we had to choose our options again or our timetable would end up funny  
Pidge: i assumed that meant they werent going to forcibly cut one of our options and left it as it was 

Hunk: pidge no you’re going to break the system

Pidge: yesssss fight the power 

Lance: god mulletman is a bad example on you

Pidge: speaking of mulletman we just ate an entire box of frosted shreddies 

Lance: what

Pidge: yeah and youre gonna need to buy more coffee and tea

Lance: whAT

Pidge: i feel invigorated

Lance: pIDGE

Pidge: AHAHAHAHAHAHA I AM UNSTOPPABLE

Lance: PIDGE 

Hunk: you broke lance

 

**vOLTRoN aSSEMBLe**

**18:16**  
Pidge: FIGHT THE POWER

Keith: FIGHT THE POWER

Matt: ahahaha lance do you know what they’re doing in the kitchen

Lance: i wish for the sweet embrace of death

Matt: well im stealing your controller

Pidge: unstOppAble

Keith: immOvAble

Lance: WAIT MATT NO

Allura: college kids  
Allura: sixth… form kids  
Allura: school  
Allura: …  
Allura: SHIT

Pidge: keith keith KEITH I FOUND MORE

Lance: Pidge StOp

Matt: haha lance lost

Keith: awww i feel bad for lancelot  
Keith: do you want a hug

Lance: yEs

Pidge: cryptid nO 

Allura: I FUCKIKFNG LAGTE FOR UNI SHUTTTTT

Matt: SHIT I LOST WHAT SHIT

Shiro: …  
Shiro: nope

Pidge: SHIRO

Lance: SHIRO

Matt: SHIRO

Keith: SHIRO

Allura: SHIRO

Shiro: pidge stop eating lances food, keith shut up, matt dont try cheat and allura

Allura: ...yes?

Shiro: you’re doing great sweetie don’t give up

Pidge: erm  
Pidge: Lance  
Pidge: problem

Lance: oh no 

Pidge: im stuck

Keith: lmaooooo

Lance: stuck

Pidge: yES

Matt: unstick urself then god

Shiro: where are you stuck

Pidge: keith help  
Pidge: kEIth hElp mE

Keith: magic word

Pidge: SUCK A TRUCK KEITH HELP I W I L L FALL TO MY D E A T H

Matt: *chants softly* fall fall fall

Allura: Where are you stuck

Pidge: on the fridge

Shiro: wht the fuck

Keith: SHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHSDL FUCKINBG PERFECT

Lance: PIDGE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YUOU DOUNG ON THE FIRDGE IN THE FIRST PALCE WHAT

Pidge: shut UP lance

Matt: ill save you damsel in distress

Pidge: :(  
Pidge: but yes please come save me soon,,,,,,,,,,  
Pidge: and then can we like go to keiths 

Lance: :(

Pidge: dude your house is dangerous

Lance: no its not

Pidge: ahhhhh im safe  
Pidge: that was traumatic

Shiro: I can’t imagine it being that traumatic unless you’re scared of heights

Pidge: surprise

Lance: wait shit really

Pidge: no

Matt: oh right shiro me and pidge need to borrow yours and keiths clothes again

Pidge: OOH YEEEE

Keith: we’re buying dinner right shiro?

Shiro: honestly matt just wear what you’ve got on

Matt: nu uh tomorrow we’re all going out and getting food and finding my car 

Pidge: we’ll all end up sleeping till 12 or smth too

Shiro: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,fine,,,,

Lance: doesnt pidge always wear the same thing though

Pidge: im in my UNIFORM lance and I just have a lot of the same outfits  
Pidge: we rarely meet up at the weekend so you never see my wearing anything different

Lance: oh

Keith: can we go bowling as well

Matt: keith  
Matt: buddy  
Matt: pal  
Matt: no

Pidge: yessssssssssss

Keith: yessssssssssss

Shiro: yessssssssssss

Matt: SHIRO

Lance: HAHAHA BETRAYED B Y YOUR BOYFRIEND  
Lance: NOW YOU KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE ME

Matt: WHAT BOYFRIEND DO YOU HAVE LANCE

Lance: KEITH

Keith: I didn’t consent to this

Lance: oh shit,,,, uh,,,,,, BE MY BOYFRIEND PLS????

Keith: no

Lance: well shit guess i really dont have a boyfriend you’re on your own matty boy

Matt: lmao well shiro’s no longer in a relationship either so

Lance: !!!!!!!!  
Lance: MEME TEAM

Matt: MEME TEAM

Lance: run away together?

Matt: run away together.

Pidge: that’s it? You’re leaving your innocent young helpless defenceless sibling all alone

Matt: wait pidge no join us 

Lance: cmon pidge complete the meme team

Pidge: nope im running away with keith

Keith: sure why not 

Pidge: <3

Keith: <3

Lance: WHt BuT thAtS Our thINg

Keith: OOP not anymore

Pidge: ahahahahahahahaha get FUCKED

Lance: i would if i had a BOYFRIEND

Keith: lmao you still wouldnt

Lance: shit u right  
Lance: im okay with that  
Lance: see baby im acceptin come back to meeeeeeeee

Keith: lmao i would if id ever been with you before but I havent ¯\\_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_/¯

Lance: rOOd

Pidge: ACE Squad 

Keith: ACE Squad

Lance: MEME Team

Matt: MEME Team

Shiro: can we all just chill out for five minutes and share funny stories about our day over cups of tea 

Lance: war?

Matt: war.

Pidge: war?

Keith: …  
Keith: war. 

Keith: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)>⌐■-■

Pidge: (⌐▀͡ ̯ʖ▀)

Keith: ┬━┬ノ(▀Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ノ)

Pidge: (⌐▀͡ ̯ʖ▀) ╯︵ ┻─┻ 

Shiro: when are you all gonna get here

Matt: －－＝Ξ/╲/( ͡° ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ͡°)/\╱\

Shiro: this is worrying

Lance: /╲/( ͡‾ ͡‾ ͜ʖ ͡‾ ͡‾)/\╱\

Matt: /╲/( ͡° ͡° ͜ل͜ ͡° ͡°)/\╱\

Lance: /╲/( ͡° ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ͡°)/\╱\Ξ＝－－

Shiro: for the love of everything holy   
Shiro: s t o p

Pidge: !!!（╯°□°）╯ミ /╲/( ͜。 ͜。 ͡ʖ ͜。 ͜。)/\╱\

Lance: ┬┴┬┴┤ ͡°)/\╱\

Matt: ┬┴┬┴┤ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ͡°)/\╱\

Lance: ┬┴┬┴┤/╲/( ͡° ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ͡°)/\╱\

Matt:┬┴┬┴┤ /╲/( ͡☉ ͜ʖ ͡☉)/\╱\

Shiro: fuck it

Keith: (▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿)

Pidge: ლ(▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ლ)

Keith: ┬┴┬┴┤ᕦ( ▀̿ Ĺ̯ ▀̿├┬┴┬

Pidge: you win this time

Keith: but be warned....

Pidge: we will be back

Shiro: …,,,

Lance: HA

Pidge: I DIDNT KNOW YOU STILL HAD THENSPIDEIKDJNEHBFRHMGREHB

Keith: you played dirty

Matt: dirty dont do no wrong

Keith: what

Matt: what

Shiro: guys

Keith: we’re leaving now shiro god 

Pidge: fuckin PISSED  
Pidge: jujst forn that  
Pigde: YEET

Lance: WHAT THE FUCK

Pidge: AHAHAHAHAHA MINE  
Pidge: how will you survive now lance

Shiro: what did you do

Lance: that has GOT to be illegal

Pige: keith just fuckin FLOORED it omfg beautiful  
Pidge: i am now in possesion of lances blue fluffy oversized jumper  
Pidge: i adore it and he refuses to get me a green one  
Pidge: bc he and matt played dirty i ran from the car grabbed it and leapt back in and keith ~ nyoomed ~ off into the sunset Pidge: this is exhilarating

Lance: ur gonna die

Pidge: not the first time someones said that to me today nor is it the third or even seventh and im still not dead

Lance: …

Shiro: oh god this is why i worry about you kids  
Shiro: dont even try lance your generation literally tries to fuckin POISON themselves

Pidge: mmmmmmmmm tidepods

Lance: its not like any of us participated in that scandal anyway

Pidge: speak for yourself

Shiro: pidge

Lance: ur GOING TO DIE

Pidge: it was matt and keiths idea i was an innocent bystander 

Shiro: lance you are my only child now the rest have disappointed me and i have disowned them

Matt: PIDGE

Pidge: DORK

Matt: oi  
Matt: we’re playing iSpy pay attention  
Matt: also keith asked if you’re okay with him playing his 2010 hits playlist

Pidge: fuckin turn that shit UP i am PUMPED the 2010’s were GOLDEN TIMES YO 

Lance: MMMMMM THE GOOD SHIT ^^^^^^ FUCKIN BOPS

Pidge: I JAM EVERY NIGHT TO MY RITUAL MUSIC FROM THE 2010’S

Lance: TWINS

Pidge: SCREECH

Shiro: omfg im gonna go find clothes for you if you want to use the shower n shit go ahead im going for a run y’all too wild rn

Pidge: luv ya space dad

Lance: baiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Pidge: stfu lance

Lance: :(

Matt: PIDGE  
Matt: I FUCKING SPY

Pidge: UGH FINE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the Emoticon Wars are gonna be a Thing from now on i found that thoroughly entertaining to write even if it wasn't funny to read  
> just a reminder that keith and lance are NOT dating but constantly act like they are and they WILL at some point  
> Also the thing about GCSE's (exams that are mandatory and stuff and really fuckinh annoyin we do them in year 10 and 11 normally and get to drop and choose certain subjects to go into our timetable) my school and like 50 others or smth cut down the number of options we could choose so we can only do 10 GCSE's and I am THOROUGHLY pissed bc my art teacher convinced me to take art the day they announced I COULDNT DO ART BC I DIDNT HAVE ENOUGH OPTION SPACES


	4. Full Of Adrenaline And Bad Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn who gave Pidge her vocabulary, that Lance and Allura are feared by Gods, and Shiro wants to be able to leave a 14, 17 and 22 year old for five minutes without them trying to kill each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought about naming this chapter Cheeky Nandos With The Lads but I'm saving that for the next chapter

**Pidge < Keith**

13:32  
Pidge: dude if you’re wearing lances jacket im gonna eviscerate you on the spot

Keith: pls dont  
Keith: its on my bed i put it there for when you woke up  
Keith: there’s also a pair of leggings for when we go out bc   
Keith: you really haven’t been sleeping have you

Pidge: ugh no  
Pidge: on top of my growing insomnia i had 4 assignments this week i had to cram for and form assembly and one of my laptops caught a virus and so did one of lances and i had an ungodly amount of homework to do and i had clubs on tuesday and wednesday   
Pidge: the most sleep ive gotten is 4 hours tuesday night

Keith: you do know you cant catch up on sleep by sleeping in 

Pidge: let me d r e a m 

Keith: k  
Keith: go on the gc btw lowkey everyone thinks you’re dead 

Pidge: i want tea and crumpets

Keith: pidge

Pidge: t e a a n d c r u m p e t s 

Keith: G O D FINE

 

**vOLTRoN aSSEMBLe**

 

**13:40**

Lance: pidge has never slept for so long? Are you SURE they’re not dead

Matt: id know if my own sibling was DEAD lance

Lance: but are you really sure

Matt: yEs

Hunk: she was probably just tired

Allura: well shi if shes dead my laptop would be fucking dead and buried with her 

Matt: allura stop looking up dodgy shit on the internet and maybe you’d stop catching dodgy shit on it

Allura: Suck A Truck Mathew if I wanted your snobby nosed opinion I would have ASKED for it

Hunk: why do you use his full name

Allura: he doesn’t deserve my friendship

Matt: well shit

Lance: savage allura is my favourite

Allura: i must be savage all the time then, considering I’m always you’re favourite

Lance: yes?

Allura: yes.  
Allura: anyway lance we’re going starbucks and and westfield today

Lance: fuck yessss is this for your instagram

Allura: ^^  
Allura: said id be at westfield with a friend today if any fans wanted to meet me

Pidge: take keith with you he’s prettier

Lance: excuse me but he has NOT got this bodacious bod

Pidge: wtaf lance?

Matt: bodacious bod 

Hunk: had a nice sleep pidge

Pidge: i did   
Pidge: keith was a very good pillow until he apparently dumped me on the floor when he got up

Keith: you were LAYING on ME 

Pidge: so?

Lance: why do you let pidge sleep on you

Keith: i was already asleep and she was on her laptop and lowkey passed tf out

Pidge: highkey  
Pidge: twelve hours of sleep  
Pidge: what an achievement

Lance: i woke up at 1 and got more sleep than you

Pidge: thats cause your fuckin five and go to sleep no later than 10 on fridays 

Hunk: he needs his beauty sleep

Keith: he needs a lot more beauty sleep

Lance: :(

Keith: if you’re gonna maintain your natural pretty then you gotta get more sleep than that the gods gonna be coming after your ass soon enough

Pidge: aphrodites gonna fuck u UP lance better watch out

Hunk: Lmao bitch already tried but you’ve got this flawless skin look goin on so 

Lance: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
Lance: lights of my life

Pidge: ew  
Pidge: keith i wanna wear your flannel out

Keith: go ahead 

Pidge: yessssssssssss  
Pidge: when are we getting nandos with the lads

Allura: the lads? 

Matt: as soon as shiro comes back from his midday run

Lance: the reason im so perfect is cause aphrodite is up on shiros ass that man is a blessing

Keith: he is, as the kids say, a peng ting

Hunk: is his hair natural 

Keith: he likes to say its because i stressed him out so much lol

Lance: ew no dont say lol you cant be depressed keith

Hunk: nah if anyone stresses shiro out its pidge and matt

Matt: excuse me????????????????

Hunk: you two are the literal definition of loose canons, you're the devils incarnate but a lot nicer and fluffier

Keith: too true they’re a danger to themselves and society

Pidge: bitch you wanna fuckin go

Keith: sure ill introduce you to my knife collection

Pidge: son of a motherfucngdhufkshjbhdfkeh 

Matt: keith rugby tackles pidge

Lance: shit we getting live commentary

Matt: pidge screeches and begins hollering nonsensical war cries and yeets keith in the stomach with her foot

Matt: keith groans as pidge yells and then trips her up and tries to tiggle her  
Matt: BUT PIDGE HAS A SECRET WEAPON lances EXTRA THICK BLUE JUMPER   
Matt: pidge grabs something from keiths knife collection  
Matt: wild guess it was a knife  
Matt: and leapt onto his wardrobe  
Matt: ya know she is actually scared of heights when shes not full of adrenaline and bad choice

Lance: uhm

Hunk: is she full of adrenaline and bad choice right now

Matt: no  
Matt: keith laughs at her as she slowly comes to an eye opening realisation   
Matt: she’s yelling profanity now  
Matt: god her vocabulary is so vulgar

Keith: “keith I’d rather you suck Lance’s fucking dick in public then stand there and fucking laugh at me you shitty human twat thing get me the fuck down before I get down myself and beat your puny ass”

Hunk: her vocabulary is on you matt

Matt: actually I never swore around my sibs   
Matt: shiro whacked me whenever I did and it hurt  
Matt: no no that vocabulary is all the fault of keith :)

Lance: you are gonna help her down right? 

Matt: yeah keiths building steps because he can’t just grab her and carry her and im eating noodles

Lance: ??????

Matt: keith is a twig lance  
Matt: he can carry pidge sure but not safely extract her from the top of his wardrobe

Hunk: petition for constant surveillance on pidge matt and keith 

Matt: not signed

Pidge: ew no not signed

Keith: not signed

Lance: signed

Allura: signed

Shiro: im too tired for this what the fuck   
Shiro: make sure you’re all fully clothed and get in the car

Pidge: NANDOS NANDOS NANDOS

Keith: hisssssss

Matt: WE’RE GOING ON A TRIP ~  
Matt: TO FIND MY MOTHERFUCKIN CAR IN TESCOS PARKING LOT AAAHHHHHHHH

Allura: why  
Allura: Lance I’m outside you better look like a professional model on a runway or I’m redressing you 

Lance: okay cool  
Lance: i can wear whatever then cause i always look like a model

Pidge: rt

Keith: rt

Matt: rt

Hunk: rt

Allura: rt

Shiro: rt

Lance: what the hecking heck guys??????? Ur supposed to say lol nah you look like shit??????? How do i respond to this overwhelming love and affection????????

Allura: by getting into my car

Lance: oh right

Hunk: lance and allura in a relationship would be terrifying they could control the entire world

Pidge: yeah they’d have a combined cute instagram with all their followers combined and wherever they went people would be b re aking necks to look at them 

Allura: where is matty he needs to say something offensive omg love you guys <3<3<3

Matt: im still smarter than u   
Matt: and i always will be

Allura: k i gotta drive but i hope you know that i despise your fucking existence Mathew

Matt: keiths driving WHOOT  
Matt: actually he’s playing panic

Shiro: me and matt were kicked to the backseat

Pidge: SUCK IT LOSERS

Lance: eventful 

Pidge: OHHHHH SHIT SONNNNN  
Pidge: I PRAY FOR THE WICKED ON THE WEEKEND   
Pidge: MAMA CAN I GET ANOTHER AMEN 

Keith: SWEAR TO GOD I AINT NEVER GONNA REPENT  
Keith: MAMA CAN I GET ANOTHER AMEN

Matt: KEITH WHAT THE FUCK WE JUST FUCKING SWERVED EYES ONT HE FUCKING ROAD OMFG I WANT MYU CAR CAR BAKC GOD FUCKING DAMMIT]

Hunk: *whispers* it's saturday night

Pidge: yessss hunkkkkkk

Lance: HUNK WHAT

Hunk: uhhhhhh yeet

Matt: KEITH I SEE YOU FUCKING TYPING FUCKING STOP OH MY GOD WHAT

Keith: ITS SATURDAY NIGHT

Pidge: OH OHOHOH ITS SATURDAY NIGHT YEAH

Lance: HUNK YOU TRAITOR YOU LIED TO ME

Hunk: im not an emo???

Matt: KEITH I SWEAR TO GUFKNG GOD U ARE SUCH A TWAT NLOODY HELL I JUST WANT NANDOS FOR JFGDJ NGNGHHHHHHHH

Pidge: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Allura: fuck this shit im out 

**Allura left vOLTRoN aSSEMBLe**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The impromptu violence scene was brought to you by my maths teacher who indirectly insinuated that i cheated on my maths test. She's such a twat I swear to fuckin-
> 
> eviscerate - dismember, gouge out ^.^


	5. Cheeky Nandos With The Lads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hunk and Shay are golden, Pidge is Keith's cat, Hunk adopts five cats, Allura adores her fans and wants to be able to love them all equally and Matt is there because why the fuck not?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Pidge is actually 13 at the moment I realised her being 14 messes with the loose plot of this story, especially if I wanted to include her birthday so

**Pidge < Hunk**

**14:04**  
Pidge: we just dropped shiro and matt off to find matts car and finish the shopping  
Pidge: me and keith are of to nandos where we will await the arrival of the dad and dork

Hunk: sounds great 

Pidge: hows shay

Hunk: shay?  
Hunk: shes really great  
Hunk: shes so pure and nice and funny and her cookies are superb

Pidge: awww hunky thats so sweet

Hunk: she’s the sun to my moon

Pidge: explain

Hunk: well the oly reason I’m able to shine brightly is because she shines brighter and is amazing and kind and helpful and loving and ahhhhhhhh i really love her

Pidge: god if you ever break up imma cry  
Pidge: otp if i ever saw one  
Pidge: how’d your date go

Hunk: she baked a flower cake but neither of us wanted to eat it ourselves so we donated it to a homeless shelter along with some sandwiches and drinks and then made brownies and went for a picnic

Pidge: your relationship is so golden this is why i live vicariously through you two instead of lance and keith

Hunk: when are they gonna make it official

Pidge: when they stop being stubborn  
Pidge: they made a bet with allura and matt that they wouldn’t date before seriously considering it + before they both turn 19 

Hunk: they do know they’re fighting a losing battle right?

Pidge: god help them

Hunk: im visiting the animal shelter today  
Hunk: i signed up to volunteer whenever i’m not busy so i thought I’d go over and get used to it

Pidge: if you see any real cute animals send receipts 

Hunk: aye aye captain

Pidge: I think keith should get a cat

Hunk: i would’ve said he already owned one if I knew he didn’t  
Hunk: he’s got this serious cat vibe thing going on

Pidge: he called me a cat today after i hissed at him

Hunk: when was this

Pidge: when i was stuck and fearing my life  
Pidge: i guess i’m his replacement cat oof

Hunk: you and keith have catlike qualities

Pidge: you and lance are more dog like  
Pidge: you’d be a huge but really flufy and soft nice dog who’d be really protective and thoughtful of your humans ad lance would be really playful and small and a menace but cuddly 

Hunk: shiros the tired person looking after us all  
Hunk: matts the neighbour who sometimes borrows one of us to play with

Pidge: im not sure what allura would be

Hunk: nor am i 

Pidge: we haven’t seen coran in a long time we should visit the cafe

Hunk: yeah we can get together and work on our robot

Pidge: omg yeah i forgot about that project

Hunk: how’s rover coming along

Pidge: the codings really frustrating me like you wouldn’t believe and i need to fix up the design

Hunk: i can help with the design and look for simple errors in your codes 

Pidge: thanks hunky my G  
Pidge: we can go wednesday after school?

Hunk: perfect 

Pidge: noice  
Pidge: i gotta bounce tho hunk we just parked 

Hunk: later 

 

**Lance < Keith**

**14:56**  
Lance: this girl who’s a little older than pidge’s age walked out of pandora as we were walking to it and saw us and told her friends to wait for her before sprinting up to us and saying she really likes allura and giving her this bracelet charm allura has wanted f o r ever and said she wanted to give something back to allura and allura blushed and stuttered and then she turned to me and asked if she could hug me because i looked soft and pretty  
Lance: i was like??????????? We went to pandora and since allura had the charm she was going to buy she bought me a charm and we’re heading over to build-a-bear to get something for one of my siblings  
Lance: and then we’re looking for presents for pidge

Keith: nice

Lance: haha yeah

Keith: typing one hand tryng to clean the other  
Keith: in nandos  
Keith: its really nice that you’re havin such a good time

Lance: mhm  
Lance: do you know what you’re getting pidge

Keith: a knife

Lance: KEITH

Keith: KIDDING  
Keith: she wanted to temporarily dye her hair so im gonna get temporary hair dye and we’re both gonna die our hair

Lance: omg what colour

Keith: erm  
Keith: idk? I ordered a colour online but i dont what it is because i didnt check

Lance: smart

Keith: shit she’s trying to look over my shoulder  
Keith: she's threatening to steal my chicken wings EXCUSE ME NO

Lance: shit blast away keithy

Keith: she just dared me ohohoho i am blasting away

**Hunk < Lance**

**15:10**  
Hunk: lance  
Hunk: im at the animal shelter  
Hunk: there these five month old kittens who were abandoned  
Hunk: i’m adopting them  
Hunk: do you want one  
Hunk: there’s this lively little blue-grey with a few white patches one  
Hunk: her eyes are gorgeous  
Hunk: gorgeouscateyes.jpg

Lance: omg precious yessss i can keep a cat oml adorable

Hunk: what’s pidges favourite colour

Lance: green?

Hunk: isthisgreenbcitsbeautiful.jpg

Lance: shit hunk

Hunk: its only lightly hued green but the shelter said it classifies as green and i was like what  
Hunk: it’s gonna be pidges birthday present for sure  
Hunk: blackkittysandykittyorangekitty.jpg  
Hunk: im keeping the sandy one and giving the other two to keith and shiro?

Lance: yessss

Hunk: cool  
Hunk: ive got ten minutes to get the bus uh oh  
Hunk: in the box the kitties go  
Lance: get home safe

 

**Allura < Coran**

**15:35**  
Allura: oh my goodness coran the cutest girl came up to me earlier today  
Allura: she bought me the pandora charm i’ve been saving up for coran you’ve no idea how happy i am 

Coran: my goodness what a sweet thing  
Coran: what did you do with the money you saved

Allura: bought lance a charm and got pidge a present

Coran: number five? Why?

Allura: 3rd of april

Coran: BIRTHDAY  
Coran: quiznak  
Coran: i should’ve foreseen this  
Coran: well nothing can be done now i must prepare

Allura: wow  
Allura: apparently hunk adopted a cat hes going to give to her

Coran: how thoughtful  
Coran: don’t let the mice near it

Allura: i would never 

Coran: oh quiznak my break’s over

Allura: haha have fun coran  
Allura: ill be back in an hour or so and come help you out okay?

Coran: of course princess  
Coran: see you soon

 

**Matt < Lance**

**15:45**  
Matt: guess what keith just did

Lance: uh oh

Matt: look up Peri-Peri Vusa

Lance: no

Matt: yes

Lance: oh my god what the fuck call an ambulance 

Matt: pidge dared him

Lance: im gonna shank the gremlin

Matt: OI OI thats my sibling if anyones shanking her its me  
Matt: keith just left  
Matt: i think he went to get a drink

Lance: jesus

Matt: he's asking if they have milk and demanded a cup of it and just fucking downed it before walking back over

Lance: they have milk?

Matt: i assume so

Lance: well colour me stoked

Matt: pidge just left  
Matt: shes fuckin cackling you can hear her for miles  
Matt: everyone looks so uncomfortable i would too tbh if i just realised i was eating in the same restaurant as the fucking devil 

Lance: you know what  
Lance: if keith can handle the fucking sauce#  
Lance: then so can i

Matt: lance he couldnt handle it

Lance: so i will???  
Lance: ive grown up with spicy food

Matt: lance i stg

Lance: oop someone want a selfie  
Lance: bai

Matt: LANCE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Green cats do exist. Look it up. They're very rare and mostly due to mutation or genetic weird shit but you can get a green cat. So Pidge will have a green cat. Also guess what colour Keith and Pidge are temporarily dyeing their hair. ;)  
> I'm gonna keep updating daily by the way and there might be another chapter up later ^.^ writing this is highkey stress relieving


	6. Not For The Eyes Of The Young

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A slight look into Matt and Pidge's backstory and a groupchat for a certain someone's birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHHHHHHH  
> I had so much homework  
> But daily posts shall now resume  
> So this includes why pidge lives with matt (pretty basic reason tbh doesnt make much sense) and what they're all getting pidge and i highkey struggled to come up with things they could get her but i think ive done well although i still need to figure out what shiro will get

**vOLTRoN aSSEMBLe**

**07:07**  
Pidge: it’s bloody freezing  
Pidge: im not coming in today

Lance: but pidge whyyyyyyyy

Pidge: lance i will literally die 

Lance: fine :(  
Lance: but hunks coming in right

Hunk: yeah 

Pidge: dear god who left the window open

Matt: keith did

Lance: keith?

Pidge: he stayed the night to help me with something 

Lance: ????????????????

Pidge: it was the heating  
Pidge: the heating was broken  
Pidge: we all slept in matts room because he has a portable heater and sleeps in the warmest part of the apartment

Hunk: why did keith come over though

Pidge: we both have a low tolerance to cold weather  
Pidge: he feels my pain  
Pidge: although i get it a lot worse  
Pidge: i have a low tolerance to hot weather as well  
Pidge: it’s probably why im so pale

Matt: you should see pidge after summer

Lance: that cannot be good for your skin

Pidge: anyway  
Pidge: i wanted him to help with some research so he came over but then it started RAINING and the temperature dropped like mad  
Pidge: are we still on this afternoon hunk

Hunk: yeah

Matt: so

Pidge: walk me to hunks after school 

Matt: i just woke up?

Hunk: pretty sure you were awake earlier buddy, you blamed keith for opening a window

Pidge: im on top of you

Matt: you fell asleep on keith

Pidge: he woke up an hour ago and pushed me off him and i was cold 

Lance: why are you all weirdly touchy feely with each other

Pidge: ew lance no 

Matt: disowned

Lance: it was an innocent question

Keith: sure

Lance: KEITH CMON YOU GOTTA BE ON MY SIDE

Keith: nope  
Keith: any i didnt leave the window open it was open already you twats

Pidge: do you have morning classes today?

Keith: yeah maybe i think so

Pidge: right then kindly fuck off

Matt: peak

Pidge: stfu im going back to sleep

Matt: k  
Matt: i have work today anyway

Pidge: you work??

Lance: i thought you were unemployed and living off pidge

Matt: it’s not like shes got any money 

Hunk: doesn’t pidge do odd technical jobs for people  
Hunk: lots of teachers too  
Hunk: they leave tips for her in her workshop

Lance: yeah this kid asked her to do blah blah to their old phone to update it a week after she joined and she completely remodeled it and fixed it up in two days so the kid gave her twenty quid the day after 

Keith: there’s also this phone shop she likes that shiro used to work at and occasionally she’ll go there and work on some of the harder orders 

Matt: well shit  
Matt: keith are you leaving?

Keith: yeah

Matt: feel free to return after since shiros at the gym

Keith: sure thing 

Hunk: where do you work matt

Matt: The Alteans  
Matt: that large cafe chain run by Allura’s family  
Matt: shiro works there too

Pidge: oh my god i just looked outside fucking kill me 

Keith: ?

Pidge: it snowed  
Pidge: its snowing  
Pidge: now i have a legitimate excuse not to go in today

Lance: ahahaha time to bust out the winter gear 

Hunk: its march why is this happening

Matt: what’s more temperamental  
Matt: keith or british weather

Pidge: keith no questions fucking asked

Keith: excuse me

Pidge: kay night everyone

Lance: are you just going to sleep through the school day

Pidge: yeah pretty much

Keith: i do not have mood swings

Hunk: gotta agree with pidge on this one its super hard to keep track of your mood

Allura: good lord it’s snowing  
Allura: i pray it stops 

Hunk: matt which cafe do you work in

Matt: the one coran works in 

Hunk: dont bother walking pidge to my house just go straight to the cafe 

Allura: what are you and pidge meeting up for 

Hunk: working on some coding on rover and our robot project for that national competition

Allura: exciting  
Allura: what’s rover 

Hunk: a robot pidge saw lotor trashing and she took it and started remodeling it

Allura: lotor?  
Allura: white hair, know it all attitude, girl squad  
Lance: yeah him 

Allura: hes often tried getting us to combine our companies  
Allura: he goes to keiths college  
Allura: he asked me on a business date once 

Lance: lets kill him

Allura: what

Lance: nothing 

Matt: he never apologised to keith  
Matt: but i like his friends  
Matt: some of them

Lance: didn’t you high five ezor like a week ago  
Lance: pidge said she apologised for lotor 

Hunk: shouldn’t lotor apologise himself 

Lance: exactly 

Allura: what did he do 

Matt: well there’s no point of him apologising no one messes with my bro and gets away with it  
Matt: im never forgiving that walking talking loreal commercial 

Lance: is his hair natural  
Lance: allura is your hair natural

Allura: yes? 

Matt: oh shit i just realised  
Matt: gotta blast y’all

Lance: no one says yall matt

Matt: i do  
Matt: keith does

Lance: blasphemy 

**Matt created Not For The Eyes Of The Young**

 

 

 

 **07:31**  
Matt: so whats everyone getting pidge 

Hunk: a cat

Matt: wait what

Keith: temporary hair dye and a pocket knife

Matt: excuse me

Lance: a dartboard with several cutouts of people’s, that she doesn’t like, faces  
Lance: fucking english man does that sentence even make sense

Hunk: me and coran are making her a large cake 

Coran: it’s going to have sparklers on the top and will be decorated to number fives tastes  
Coran: ahh  
Coran: what’s number fives favourite colour  
Coran: OH and how old will she be  
Coran: and what flavour would they want the cake to be 

Keith: im also buying her a new backpack 

Lance: and im getting her a fluffy green jumper  
Lance: i really want mine back 

Allura: I’ve got jewellry and books on astronomy and space and one on coding maybe 

Matt: those first few items worry me but apart from that 

Allura: what are you getting her matt

Matt: we’re going sightseeing in London with our parents and I’ve paid to go to an observatory at 1am on the day 

Allura: you’re sightseeing  
Allura: in london  
Matt: yeah 

Lance: didn’t you live in london  
Lance: in the fancy part with rich people

Matt: we lived in north london for a couple of years but both me and pidge were born and conceived in italy  
Matt: mum and dad planned long trips every so often and after I was born they decided the next kid would also be conceived and born in italy  
Matt: I missed a lot of school when I was 9 

Lance: why 9

Matt: mum decided she wanted another kid

Allura: so when did you live in london

Matt: so we stayed for a few months in Italy before coming back to England and at that time we lived in Cambridge  
Matt: we moved to Manchester three years before Pidge was born and after she was born we moved to North London for five years and then to Brighton for two years and then back to Manchester and after four years I moved to chelmsford and pidge tagged along with me to join school here

Hunk: why did pidge move to chelmsford to go to school 

Matt: she thought she was less likely to be bullied unlike in manchester where even though she stopped attending the school, the kids in our neighbourhood were super rude  
Matt: there was this girl called susan who once called her clothes tacky and pidge full on knocked her out  
Matt: ahh my baby sib is the greatest 

Lance: well shit 

Matt: now ive got my life story out of the way we did live in london but not for long  
Matt: and i didnt care enough to go sightseeing

Allura: fascinating 

Hunk: don’t you have a house in london allura

Allura: well  
Allura: technically yes but i don’t live their at the moment

Hunk: where is it

Allura: kensington

Lance: BITCH SAY WHAT

Matt: AND LANCE SAID I LIVED IN FANCY LONDON

Allura: its not that big a deal

Lance: ‘llura can i have your house please and thank

Allura: What? No

Coran: ah that reminds me  
Coran: allura we need to return to the house at some point to clean up  
Coran: we’ll be returning since it’s the holidays soon anyway but I just want to make sure it’s not a mess before then 

Allura: ill go tomorrow coran 

Coran: thank you princess  
Coran: now i must get going  
Coran: ive got to open the cafe 

Lance: hunk wanna meet at break in the common room or the loft

Hunk: loft i have an essay to work on

Lance: alright  
Lance: later everyone

Matt: im gonna grab some toast  
Matt: bye

Allura: talk to you all later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the AO3 IS BEING REAL FUCKING ANNOYING AND A CHUNK OF MY WRITING IS BEING FUCKING DELETED AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO STOP IT AND ITS GETTING ON MY NERVES SO YOU KNOW WHAT FUCK YOU AO3 IM GONNA POST IT ANYWAY AND JUST CRY YOU CAN LITERALLY TELL WHERE ITS BEEN DELETED ITS JUST A HUGE FUCKING GAP WHAT YOU DOING YOU STUPID WEBSITE SOMEONE HELP

**Author's Note:**

> This is just like  
> A,,,,,  
> thing  
> But if there's more to come then their's more to come just not now so thanks for reading


End file.
